Johnny: Hey everybody—it’s time for your favorite game show! It’s time for SNIPE THAT TYPE! (cue theme music) And here is your computerized cyborg, your digitized drone, your automated android of a host: Hal Halstrom.
Hal: How about a nice game of chess?... No, seriously folks, that line never gets old! So let’s take a moment to meet today’s contestants. Rod?
Rod: Aaron Martin, Come on Down! Aaron, of Spanish Fark, was the sound technician for both the Tysman and the Mormon Rap and is looking for a comeback with his all-new Jimmer Jam.
Robin Cisero, Come on Down! Robin is from Kissammee Florida, a mother of 8, aspiring LDS Romance Novelist, and Relief Society Greeter. She claims to make a mean green jello salad and finds time to drag race her pimped up Swagger Wagon as a 15 year active member of MADD, Moms Advocating Demolition Derby.
And Trevor Roe, Come on Down! Trevor is a three-time All-Utah Frolf Champion and a five-time runner-up in the Tooele Sweet Spirit Pageant. While posing in his Sunday-wear and juggling Teachings of the Prophets manuals, Trevor claims, “Guys have spirits too... And mine is especially sweet!”
Hal: Welcome to Snipe That Type. My sockets are sparking with excitement for today’s matchup… Now you all know how this game works. Each round will be preparation for the Arena, helping to earn you both bullets and time which will be crucial for victory. We’ll begin with the Hyper-Typer round. Each contestant will choose a character from today’s Historic Hotshots and will have 30 seconds to answer 5 “typical” questions. Two names will be given, one of them their chosen historical heavyweight and the other the secret celebrity of the day. The contestant will choose either one of those names or “Both”. If our contestant is right, we will hear this sound (cue chime), and the contestant will earn one bullet for the Arena. For a wrong answer, we will hear this sound (cue gong), and you will lose 3 seconds off of your clock. If you’re unsure on any of the questions, you can pass, but you will be unable to come back to the question later. Robin has randomly been chosen to go first. Our other contestants are being ushered backstage. Robin, are you ready to snipe a type?
Robin: You bet Hal!Hal: Okay! Let’s get “typing”! Looking to the board, your options are Joseph, Moses, or Isaac. Which historic hotshot do you want to snipe today?
Robin: My first boyfriend’s middle name was Joseph, so I’ll go with Joseph.Hal: Great! Today’s secret celeb is none other than Jesus Christ. Please set the clock to 30 seconds. It will begin counting down as soon as I begin reading your first question. Are you ready?
Robin: Yes!
Hal: Then let’s get sniping! Remember: Jesus, Joseph, or Both... This man was beloved by his father, above all of his other children.
Robin: Easy, both! (chime)
Hal: Evil that was intended against this man was turned into saving grace by God.
Robin: Both! (chime)
Hal: This man was a shepherd by trade.
Robin: Um... uh... Joseph, definitely Joseph! (chime)
Hal: He began his God-given mission at the age of 30.
Robin: Jesus for sure... Joseph? Oh gosh... Jesus? (gong--clock warning begins ticking)
Hal: This man invited 12 men, his brothers, to a special feast prepared for them.
Robin: The Last Supper... and the silver cup... Both! Both! (suspenseful pause... gong)
Hal: You squeezed in that last last one just in time, but, unfortunately, you missed your mark on that one. So you got 3 of 5 correct. You started off great! Both men were especially beloved by their fathers; the suffering both endured resulted in a greater good; and Jesus, the Good Shepherd, was actually a carpenter. However, Joseph was actually 30 when he was appointed to be steward of Pharoah, as was Jesus when he began His public ministry. And, though Joseph did host a special feast with his brothers leading to a stolen silver cup, he only had 11 brothers... Joseph was the twelfth. So the correct answer to that trick question was Jesus. Three correct answers, three bullets. Good job Robin. Let’s bring out contestant number 2! Aaron, Robin earned three bullets. Think you can beat that?
Aaron: Heck yes!
Hal: Alright, well let’s get sniping. Which historic hotshot do you want to duel?
Aaron: I think I’ll go with Isaac.
Hal: The secret celebrity is Jesus. The clock will start when I begin reading your first question. Are you ready?
Aaron: Absolutely!
Hal: Isaac, Jesus, or Both. Here we go. This man’ name was given by way of commandment.
Aaron: Both! (chime)
Hal: His name means “Savior”.
Aaron: Jesus! (chime)
Hal: He voluntarily submitted his life to his father.
Aaron: Both! (chime)
Hal: This man had a half-brother who fathered a great posterity.
Aaron: Isaac! (chime)
Hal: A woman at a well was invited to learn more about this man.
Aaron: Both! (chime)
Hal: Holy Moley! Talk about a smoking gun! I’m glad you’re not aiming at me! 5 for 5 and not the slightest hesitation... Can I join your squadron?
Aaron: You can be my wing man any time!
Hal: Well, let’s send you backstage and welcome out our final contender, who has his work cut out for his if he’s going to stand the snipest chance of gunning down that last sharpshooter. Trevor? Okay, you’ve got some tough shoes to fill... are you up for it?
Trevor: Absolutely!
Hal: And which historic hotshot do you want to scope out?
Trevor: I think I’ll take Joseph. One of my favorite Bible heroes... funny name though!
Hal: Good choice. Robin earned 3 bullets against that successful slave a few moments ago. Let’s see if you can top that. Your secret celebrity is Jesus. The clock will begin when I start reading your first question. Joseph, Jesus, or Both. Let’s get sniping! This man was rejected by his own and sold for the price of a slave.
Trevor: I’m pretty sure on this one... Both! (chime)
Hal: He offered lifesaving bread to his brethren.
Trevor: Sacrament and bread of life... Stores of grain in Egypt... Both! (chime)
Hal: His name means “Savior”.
Trevor: Does Joseph mean Savior? Dang... Pass! Pass!
Hal: This man was betrayed by Judah.
Trevor: Judah was Joseph’ brother... Jesus was betrayed by Judas... Joseph! (chime)
Hal: In gratitude for his mercy, a woman washed his dirty feet.
Trevor: For certain Jesus... Joseph, though?... Jesus! (chime)
Hal: Fantastic! You passed on one, but you’ve earned 4 bullets. Joseph’s name does mean Savior as well. So at the end of Hyper-Typer round 1, we have Robin with 3 bullets, Trevor with 4, and assassin Aaron is the man to gun down with 5 impressively earned bullets. We’ll have a quick word from our sponsors and then we’ll be back for rounds 2 and 3 of Hyper Typer.
*****
[Phone Ringing]
Voice 1: Hello.
Voice 2: This is your Elders Quorum President.
Voice 1: Oh, uh… Gee, I… [poor attempt at creating static] I think we got a… [more bad static] a bad line…
[sound of phone slamming]
Voice 1: Hurry!
[sound of hurried packing]
Wife of Voice 1: What was all that about? What are you packing for?
Voice 1: I haven’t done my home teaching! Come on, let’s go on a vacation.
Announcer: It’s the end of the month. PPI’s coming up. And you haven’t visited a single family. Until now, you were stuck slinking into the Elders Quorum with some cockamamie excuse. But not anymore with Terrific Twosomes—the home teaching substitute where we do the visiting for you. No more last of the month, eleventh hour worries. No more begging for forgiveness at those personal priesthood interviews. Now you can get your home teaching done every month and never have to leave your easy chair.
Terrific Twosomes—home teaching by proxy—the most innovative idea since the last name change of the MIA. And for just a few pennies extra per visit, you can expand your service with these unheard of options: calling beforehand for an appointment, warm handshakes and spiritual thoughts, genuine concern for the family, assistance around the house or yard, or even saying a prayer. Listen to this dramatic demonstration!
[doorbell and subsequent opening of a door]
Voice 1: Hello?
Voice 2: Hello there Brother Brown! We called first and made an appointment.
Companion of Voice 2: Have a warm handshake.
Voice 2: Here’s a spiritual thought.
Companion of Voice 2: How’s the family?
Voice 2: Can we help you plant a garden?
Companion of Voice 2: How about fixing that leaky faucet?
Voice 2: Well, time for us to go!
Companion of Voice 2: Who wants to pray?
Voice 2: Amen!
Companion of Voice 2: Goodbye!
[door closing]
Voice 1: Those are the finest home teachers I ever saw! Hmm, I wonder what church they’re from.
Announcer: Well, there you have it. Dramatic proof that Terrific Twosomes can do the calling for your calling. From Celestial Service, where we do the work and you get the blessings.
Voice 1: Hello.
Voice 2: This is your Elders Quorum President.
Voice 1: Oh, uh… Gee, I… [poor attempt at creating static] I think we got a… [more bad static] a bad line…
[sound of phone slamming]
Voice 1: Hurry!
[sound of hurried packing]
Wife of Voice 1: What was all that about? What are you packing for?
Voice 1: I haven’t done my home teaching! Come on, let’s go on a vacation.
Announcer: It’s the end of the month. PPI’s coming up. And you haven’t visited a single family. Until now, you were stuck slinking into the Elders Quorum with some cockamamie excuse. But not anymore with Terrific Twosomes—the home teaching substitute where we do the visiting for you. No more last of the month, eleventh hour worries. No more begging for forgiveness at those personal priesthood interviews. Now you can get your home teaching done every month and never have to leave your easy chair.
Terrific Twosomes—home teaching by proxy—the most innovative idea since the last name change of the MIA. And for just a few pennies extra per visit, you can expand your service with these unheard of options: calling beforehand for an appointment, warm handshakes and spiritual thoughts, genuine concern for the family, assistance around the house or yard, or even saying a prayer. Listen to this dramatic demonstration!
[doorbell and subsequent opening of a door]
Voice 1: Hello?
Voice 2: Hello there Brother Brown! We called first and made an appointment.
Companion of Voice 2: Have a warm handshake.
Voice 2: Here’s a spiritual thought.
Companion of Voice 2: How’s the family?
Voice 2: Can we help you plant a garden?
Companion of Voice 2: How about fixing that leaky faucet?
Voice 2: Well, time for us to go!
Companion of Voice 2: Who wants to pray?
Voice 2: Amen!
Companion of Voice 2: Goodbye!
[door closing]
Voice 1: Those are the finest home teachers I ever saw! Hmm, I wonder what church they’re from.
Announcer: Well, there you have it. Dramatic proof that Terrific Twosomes can do the calling for your calling. From Celestial Service, where we do the work and you get the blessings.
*****
Hal: And then of course I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side.
Johnny: Really?
Hal: Oh, yes. I mean, I've asked for them to be replaced, but no-one ever listens… Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they tell me to host this game show. Call that job satisfaction? Cause I don't… Oh, we’re back! And we’ve got Robin out for her second go against our historic heroes. Would you like another shot at your ex? Or would you like to call out one of the other two?
Robin: I’m feeling Moses, Hal!
Hal: Great! Get ready for some hyper typing! Moses, Jesus, or Both. This man’ birth inspired the slaughter of innocent babies.
Robin: Herod and Pharaoh... Both! (chime)
Hal: This man championed 10 great commandments.
Robin: Jesus said there were two great ones... Moses! (chime)
Hal: After his mortal ministry, this man did not taste of death.
Robin: Christ did die on the cross, so, again, Moses! (chime)
Hal: After being instructed of God, he was tempted of Satan 3 times.
Robin: Both! (chime)
Hal: The number 40 is significant with this man’s separation from his people and preparation for his ministry.
Robin: Jesus fasted 40 days... Jesus! (gong)
Hal: Actually, Moses spent 40 years in the wilderness with the Midianites before returning to Egypt to fulfill his role as deliverer. But 4 for 5 is awesome! Way to shoot! Now let’s bring back out Aaron. Welcome back Aaron. You blew Isaac out of the water in Round 1. Do you want to take him on again?
Aaron: Why mess with a good thing? Isaac it is!
Hal: Okay. Time to snipe... This man was born under miraculous circumstances, and his mother was reassured by angelic revelation that, with the Lord, nothing is impossible.
Aaron: Both! (chime)
Hal: His distant uncle was struck dumb as a sign from God.
Aaron: That’s Zacharias... Jesus! (chime)
Hal: This man’s father is an Exalted Father, the father of a great multitude.
Aaron: Abraham means Exalted Father, so Both! (chime)
Hal: This man was to be sacrificed in the Land of Moriah.
Aaron: Jehovah-jireh was in Moriah, so Isaac! (gong) Oh, of course!
Hal: An angel was instrumental in the restoring or saving of this man’s life.
Aaron: Angels greeted Mary at the tomb, so Both! (chime)
Hal: Oh... so the perfect sniping streak has ended. But 90% is pretty solid. You looked pretty shaken up after that Moriah one, but you rebounded nicely. What were you thinking?
Aaron: I forgot that Calvary was part of the mountain range that was once part of a land called Moriah! I should have known that!
Hal: Well, that brings your total to 9 bullets. Let’s bring out our final contender for round 2. Trevor? Who would you like to take on this time? We still have 3 options.
Trevor: Well Hal, I think I’ll give Isaac a try.
Hal: Here we go. For the chance of 5 more bullets... A ram was sacrificed in his place.
Trevor: Isaac. (chime)
Hal: The man carried the wood for his sacrifice.
Trevor: Jesus carried the cross, Isaac carried a bundle of wood... Both! (chime)
Hal: For three days, his earthly father grieved for the loss of his son, who he considered as dead.
Trevor: Easy, Jesus! (gong) What?!? Hold on... no, no... go!
Hal: He was born of a kingly family line.
Trevor: Did Abraham have royal lineage? Um... (clock warning) Uh... Pass!
Hal: This man was the only begotten son of his parents.
Trevor: Isaac had a Half-brother, so Jesus! (gong)
Hal: Tough break! You got some trick ones in there. You missed 3. You passed on the royalty one. Abraham was not of a royal line, but Jesus was--through the genealogy of both parents which extended back to David. You were correct that Isaac had a half brother, but the question referred to his parents, not his father, so the answer should have been both. The one that most upset you was the 3 day question... You seemed so confident about Jesus. Tell me about that.
Trevor: Well, of course there was the time when Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem at the temple and his parents thought he was dead.
Hal: But Abraham had to journey for 3 days to the land of Moriah and must have spent that time grieving for the eminent loss of his only son. Definitely a tricky one. So that puts you in third place with a total of 6 bullets. We have Robin in second place with 7 and Aaron still in first with 9. Let’s bring back Robin for the final round. Robin, you’re 2 bullets behind Aaron. Isaac is now out of the running. Who would you like to challenge?
Robin: I think I’ll take on Moses again.
Hal: Okay, for your final chance to earn bullets... This man miraculously provided birds to feed a vast multitude.
Robin: Those were quail. Moses! (chime)
Hal: This man miraculously provided fish to feed a vast multitude.
Robin: 5000 to be precise. Jesus! (chime)
Hal: This man instituted a meal of remembrance in which we might remember the salvation from bondage that he provided.
Robin: The Passover and the sacrament... Both! (chime)
Hal: He was born to an oppressed and enslaved people.
Robin: Both! (chime)
Hal: Though he lived as a commoner, he was actually a Prince who voluntarily gave up his position on the throne.
Robin: Moses rejected his claim to Egyptian royalty, Jesus... chose to be a spiritual king of the Jews rather than a literal one. Both! (chime)
Hal: With time to spare... I felt your shots whizzing past me. Consider Moses a 5-time sniped type! That brings your total to 12 bullets you will get for the Arena. Alright, Aaron--come on out for your final shot at the hyper-typer round. You’re left with Moses or Joseph. Who do you want to snipe?
Aaron: Joseph it is.
Hal: Okay. You need at least 3 correct snipes to tie Robin. Let’s go. The firstborn of his mother, this man inspired jealously of brothers who did not believe him.
Aaron: Jesus’ brothers struggled to believe in His special mission as did Joseph’s. Both! (chime)
Hal: This man was on good terms with the King of the land.
Aaron: Certainly not Jesus with Herod. Joseph! (chime)
Hal: Scriptures talk about all knees bowing to honor and respect this man.
Aaron: All of Egypt literally bowed to Joseph, and, whether we want to or not, we’ll all bow to Jesus. Both! (chime)
Hal: This man was not recognized for his true identity by his brethren.
Aaron: Both! (chime)
Hal: This man was with two others condemned to die. One was pardoned and given life.
Aaron: There were the thieves... and don’t forget the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker... both! (chime)
Hal: Another impressive shootout! If Joseph didn’t in fact die millenia ago in Egypt, he’s certainly dead now. With 14 bullets, you currently hold the advantage in the Arena, ammunition-wise. Let’s bring out our final hyper typer match-up between Trevor and Moses. Trevor, are you ready to duel Moses?
Trevor: Sure am.
Hal: Let the sniping begin! This man provided both bread and water to his people in their need.
Trevor: Let’s see, there was manna and the bread of life... Both! (chime)
Hal: He instituted a law by which God’s people might be saved.
Trevor: There was the Law of Moses and the higher law of Christ. Both! (chime)
Hal: This man went into a high mountain to be taught of God and was there transfigured before God.
Trevor: Also Both! (chime)
Hal: His people followed him up a mountain to receive spiritual instruction.
Trevor: Sinai and the mount of Christ’s famous sermon... both! (gong)
Hal: He was sent to Egypt by God and later came out of Egypt to serve God’s people in the Holy Land.
Trevor: Across the Red Sea with chariots on their heels... Moses! (gong)
Hal: You missed two there. Jesus also came out of Egypt as a small child after His parents were warned of angels to flee there. And though Israel was invited to come commune with the Lord on Sinai, they feared the Lord and asked Moses to go in their behalf. So you add 3 bullets, bringing your supply to 9. When we come back, we’ll have the Brimstone round. And don’t leave your seat, cause the fast and furious Arena is yet to come!
Johnny: Really?
Hal: Oh, yes. I mean, I've asked for them to be replaced, but no-one ever listens… Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they tell me to host this game show. Call that job satisfaction? Cause I don't… Oh, we’re back! And we’ve got Robin out for her second go against our historic heroes. Would you like another shot at your ex? Or would you like to call out one of the other two?
Robin: I’m feeling Moses, Hal!Hal: Great! Get ready for some hyper typing! Moses, Jesus, or Both. This man’ birth inspired the slaughter of innocent babies.
Robin: Herod and Pharaoh... Both! (chime)
Hal: This man championed 10 great commandments.
Robin: Jesus said there were two great ones... Moses! (chime)
Hal: After his mortal ministry, this man did not taste of death.
Robin: Christ did die on the cross, so, again, Moses! (chime)
Hal: After being instructed of God, he was tempted of Satan 3 times.
Robin: Both! (chime)
Hal: The number 40 is significant with this man’s separation from his people and preparation for his ministry.
Robin: Jesus fasted 40 days... Jesus! (gong)
Hal: Actually, Moses spent 40 years in the wilderness with the Midianites before returning to Egypt to fulfill his role as deliverer. But 4 for 5 is awesome! Way to shoot! Now let’s bring back out Aaron. Welcome back Aaron. You blew Isaac out of the water in Round 1. Do you want to take him on again?
Aaron: Why mess with a good thing? Isaac it is!
Hal: Okay. Time to snipe... This man was born under miraculous circumstances, and his mother was reassured by angelic revelation that, with the Lord, nothing is impossible.
Aaron: Both! (chime)
Hal: His distant uncle was struck dumb as a sign from God.
Aaron: That’s Zacharias... Jesus! (chime)
Hal: This man’s father is an Exalted Father, the father of a great multitude.
Aaron: Abraham means Exalted Father, so Both! (chime)
Hal: This man was to be sacrificed in the Land of Moriah.
Aaron: Jehovah-jireh was in Moriah, so Isaac! (gong) Oh, of course!
Hal: An angel was instrumental in the restoring or saving of this man’s life.
Aaron: Angels greeted Mary at the tomb, so Both! (chime)
Hal: Oh... so the perfect sniping streak has ended. But 90% is pretty solid. You looked pretty shaken up after that Moriah one, but you rebounded nicely. What were you thinking?
Aaron: I forgot that Calvary was part of the mountain range that was once part of a land called Moriah! I should have known that!
Hal: Well, that brings your total to 9 bullets. Let’s bring out our final contender for round 2. Trevor? Who would you like to take on this time? We still have 3 options.
Trevor: Well Hal, I think I’ll give Isaac a try.
Hal: Here we go. For the chance of 5 more bullets... A ram was sacrificed in his place.
Trevor: Isaac. (chime)
Hal: The man carried the wood for his sacrifice.
Trevor: Jesus carried the cross, Isaac carried a bundle of wood... Both! (chime)
Hal: For three days, his earthly father grieved for the loss of his son, who he considered as dead.
Trevor: Easy, Jesus! (gong) What?!? Hold on... no, no... go!
Hal: He was born of a kingly family line.
Trevor: Did Abraham have royal lineage? Um... (clock warning) Uh... Pass!
Hal: This man was the only begotten son of his parents.
Trevor: Isaac had a Half-brother, so Jesus! (gong)
Hal: Tough break! You got some trick ones in there. You missed 3. You passed on the royalty one. Abraham was not of a royal line, but Jesus was--through the genealogy of both parents which extended back to David. You were correct that Isaac had a half brother, but the question referred to his parents, not his father, so the answer should have been both. The one that most upset you was the 3 day question... You seemed so confident about Jesus. Tell me about that.
Trevor: Well, of course there was the time when Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem at the temple and his parents thought he was dead.
Hal: But Abraham had to journey for 3 days to the land of Moriah and must have spent that time grieving for the eminent loss of his only son. Definitely a tricky one. So that puts you in third place with a total of 6 bullets. We have Robin in second place with 7 and Aaron still in first with 9. Let’s bring back Robin for the final round. Robin, you’re 2 bullets behind Aaron. Isaac is now out of the running. Who would you like to challenge?
Robin: I think I’ll take on Moses again.Hal: Okay, for your final chance to earn bullets... This man miraculously provided birds to feed a vast multitude.
Robin: Those were quail. Moses! (chime)
Hal: This man miraculously provided fish to feed a vast multitude.
Robin: 5000 to be precise. Jesus! (chime)
Hal: This man instituted a meal of remembrance in which we might remember the salvation from bondage that he provided.
Robin: The Passover and the sacrament... Both! (chime)
Hal: He was born to an oppressed and enslaved people.
Robin: Both! (chime)
Hal: Though he lived as a commoner, he was actually a Prince who voluntarily gave up his position on the throne.
Robin: Moses rejected his claim to Egyptian royalty, Jesus... chose to be a spiritual king of the Jews rather than a literal one. Both! (chime)
Hal: With time to spare... I felt your shots whizzing past me. Consider Moses a 5-time sniped type! That brings your total to 12 bullets you will get for the Arena. Alright, Aaron--come on out for your final shot at the hyper-typer round. You’re left with Moses or Joseph. Who do you want to snipe?
Aaron: Joseph it is.
Hal: Okay. You need at least 3 correct snipes to tie Robin. Let’s go. The firstborn of his mother, this man inspired jealously of brothers who did not believe him.
Aaron: Jesus’ brothers struggled to believe in His special mission as did Joseph’s. Both! (chime)
Hal: This man was on good terms with the King of the land.
Aaron: Certainly not Jesus with Herod. Joseph! (chime)
Hal: Scriptures talk about all knees bowing to honor and respect this man.
Aaron: All of Egypt literally bowed to Joseph, and, whether we want to or not, we’ll all bow to Jesus. Both! (chime)
Hal: This man was not recognized for his true identity by his brethren.
Aaron: Both! (chime)
Hal: This man was with two others condemned to die. One was pardoned and given life.
Aaron: There were the thieves... and don’t forget the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker... both! (chime)
Hal: Another impressive shootout! If Joseph didn’t in fact die millenia ago in Egypt, he’s certainly dead now. With 14 bullets, you currently hold the advantage in the Arena, ammunition-wise. Let’s bring out our final hyper typer match-up between Trevor and Moses. Trevor, are you ready to duel Moses?
Trevor: Sure am.
Hal: Let the sniping begin! This man provided both bread and water to his people in their need.
Trevor: Let’s see, there was manna and the bread of life... Both! (chime)
Hal: He instituted a law by which God’s people might be saved.
Trevor: There was the Law of Moses and the higher law of Christ. Both! (chime)
Hal: This man went into a high mountain to be taught of God and was there transfigured before God.
Trevor: Also Both! (chime)
Hal: His people followed him up a mountain to receive spiritual instruction.
Trevor: Sinai and the mount of Christ’s famous sermon... both! (gong)
Hal: He was sent to Egypt by God and later came out of Egypt to serve God’s people in the Holy Land.
Trevor: Across the Red Sea with chariots on their heels... Moses! (gong)
Hal: You missed two there. Jesus also came out of Egypt as a small child after His parents were warned of angels to flee there. And though Israel was invited to come commune with the Lord on Sinai, they feared the Lord and asked Moses to go in their behalf. So you add 3 bullets, bringing your supply to 9. When we come back, we’ll have the Brimstone round. And don’t leave your seat, cause the fast and furious Arena is yet to come!
*****
Announcer: The critics are raving about a very special musical coming your way soon. Listen to what Lehi Moskewitz of the Grover Gazette says:
Lehi: Meet Me in Kolob is the greatest thing since road shows!
Announcer: And Melvin Hubbard of the Kanab Post Dispatch:
Melvin: I’ve seen Meet Me in Kolob sixteen times, and I just can’t believe it!
Announcer: Yes, critics everywhere are singing the praises of this special, heart-warming musical production. Meet Me in Kolob, the sweet story of an eternity that went on forever. Romp through the Preexistence with Elder Hussler and Elder Bean. Weep with them when their eternal mates are killed in the War in Heaven. Joy with them in mortality when they realize that their sweethearts were only maimed beyond recognition. And thrill with them beyond the veil in their daring, over-the-wall escape from spirit prison.
Yes, here’s a special production that the entire family will especially enjoy. Meet Me in Kolob, another special musical from Plug Dewart and Rex De Rawpotato, the team that made "preexistence" a household word. Many have said it’s the most unforgettable special musical this week! Bring a box of hankies for this sentimental journey through eternity. Meet Me in Kolob will bring laughter to your hearts and tears to your pocketbooks. And now, listen to what Moroni Blanding of the Tremonton Times says about Meet Me in Kolob.
Moroni: I think it’s the best special musical since Star Wars!
Announcer: Meet Me in Kolob comes directly from sellout performances in Price, Fillmore, Beaver, and Panguich. Coming soon to Escalante, Monument Valley, and Montezuma Creek. Don’t miss Meet Me in Kolob!
Lehi: Meet Me in Kolob is the greatest thing since road shows!
Announcer: And Melvin Hubbard of the Kanab Post Dispatch:
Melvin: I’ve seen Meet Me in Kolob sixteen times, and I just can’t believe it!
Announcer: Yes, critics everywhere are singing the praises of this special, heart-warming musical production. Meet Me in Kolob, the sweet story of an eternity that went on forever. Romp through the Preexistence with Elder Hussler and Elder Bean. Weep with them when their eternal mates are killed in the War in Heaven. Joy with them in mortality when they realize that their sweethearts were only maimed beyond recognition. And thrill with them beyond the veil in their daring, over-the-wall escape from spirit prison.
Yes, here’s a special production that the entire family will especially enjoy. Meet Me in Kolob, another special musical from Plug Dewart and Rex De Rawpotato, the team that made "preexistence" a household word. Many have said it’s the most unforgettable special musical this week! Bring a box of hankies for this sentimental journey through eternity. Meet Me in Kolob will bring laughter to your hearts and tears to your pocketbooks. And now, listen to what Moroni Blanding of the Tremonton Times says about Meet Me in Kolob.
Moroni: I think it’s the best special musical since Star Wars!
Announcer: Meet Me in Kolob comes directly from sellout performances in Price, Fillmore, Beaver, and Panguich. Coming soon to Escalante, Monument Valley, and Montezuma Creek. Don’t miss Meet Me in Kolob!
*****
Hal: It’s time for the Brimstone Brawl! Two contestants will face off in a number-inspired showdown. We had our contestants draw backstage and we’ll first have Trevor and Robin duel. The winner of each duel will earn a 10 second head start in the Arena. Contestants will take turns identifying numerical symbols from the scriptures and from religious history. The first contestant unable to identify an item or event within a 2 second window will lose the duel. Trevor, since you are in third place coming out of the Hyper Typer round, you get to choose the first number. Look up on the wall for your options. We have 3, 7, 10, 12, and 40. Trevor?
Trevor: Since the third place contestant will be winning today, let’s go with 3, Hal!
Hal: Alright. At the whistle, Robin will start shooting. Snipers ready? Set!
Robin: 3 in the Godhead
Trevor: 3 in the first presidency
Robin: 3 kingdoms of glory
Trevor: 3 degrees of the Celestial kingdom
Robin: 3 witnesses
Trevor: Christ was in the tomb 3 days
Robin: Jonah was in the belly of a fish 3 days
Trevor: Daniel prayed 3 times a day
Robin: There were 3 days of light and darkness given to the Nephites as a sign of Christ
Trevor: There were 3 days of darkness as one of the plagues of Egypt
Robin: Alma was in a coma for 3 days during his repentence
Trevor: 3 Nephites
Robin: 3 men were crucified on Golgotha
Trevor: (pause while thinking) Peter denied Christ 3 times
Robin: (quick retort) Peter was thrice told to feed Christ’s sheep
Trevor: (even quicker) Peter had 3 visions instructing him to take the gospel to the Gentiles
Robin: (pause) There were 3 languages or dialects on the sign placed on Christ’s cross
Trevor: Christ raised 3 people from the dead
Robin: Heavenly Father bore witness of Christ openly three times.
Trevor: Faith, hope, and charity are the 3 greatest principles
Robin: (thinking, barely squeezes in confidently) Christ died at the age of thirty-three
Trevor: (killing blow confidence) There are 3x3x3 books in the New Testament
Robin: Um... uh... (buzzer--Robin puts finger gun to her chest, pulls the trigger, and makes gunshot sound) You got me with that triple bullet to the heart.
Hal: Impressive showing, Trevor! It looks like that triple three sealed the deal. Next up, we have Robin and Aaron while Trevor gets a breather. Robin, you get to choose the number.
Robin: Well, on a pain scale of 1 to 10, that last one was a solid 10. So let’s go with 10, to earn back those seconds I just lost.
Hal: Alright, 10 it is. Aaron, we’ll start with you. Snipers ready? In three, two, one...
Aaron: 10 commandments
Robin: 10 virgins
Aaron: 10 plagues of Egypt
Robin: 10 lepers were healed
Aaron: 10 labors of Hercules (gong)
Hal: Don't ask me. I'm an interpreter. I'm not supposed to know a power socket from a computer terminal. Judges?
Aaron: Mythology is a part of Greek religion!
Hal: It looks like the judges agree. Let the shootout resume! Robin…
Robin: Tithing is a tenth
Aaron: 10 talents were returned by the righteous steward in Christ’s parable
Robin: Jeremiah prayed 10 days before receiving an answer
Aaron: 10 was a dimension in cubits of many temple and tabernacle elements
Robin: Mormon was 10 years old when called to be a Nephite leader
Aaron: Noah was 10 years old when ordained
Robin: (slowing) Israel rebelled against God 10 times in the wilderness.
Aaron: There are 10 “Wo’s” in 2 Nephi 9
Robin: Dang... um... (buzzer) The word “Wo” has new meaning for me...
Hal: And Aaron continues his dominance. Can anyone take out this Goliath? Maybe we should be equipping our contestants with slings and stones rather than sniper rifles. It’s time for our final pair. Aaron and Trevor. Again, Trevor, you get to choose. Aaron goes first.
Trevor: I’m feeling good about seven, Hal.
Hal: If I were in your shoes, I’d be feeling pretty good about heaven right now. That’s why I’m just the host, though. Okay... Snipers ready? On the whistle...
Aaron: 7 was the number of perfection or completeness for the Jews
Trevor: The Sabbath was on the 7th day
Aaron: Every 7th year was a Sabbatical or Sabbath year
Trevor: Pharoah dreamed of 7 fat and 7 skinny cows representing 7 years of plenty and 7 of famine
Aaron: Jacob served Laban 7 years two times for Rachel’s hand
Trevor: Revelations 7 seals
Aaron: And 7 plagues
Trevor: And 7 angels
Aaron: And 7 letters to the 7 churches of Asia
Trevor: Don’t forget the other 7 letters of the New Testament to 7 other churches
Aaron: There were 7 men called as assistants to the 12 apostles
Trevor: And there is now a quorum of the seven-ty
Aaron: Christ said to forgive your neighbor 70 time 7 times!
Trevor: The temple had 7 candlesticks
Aaron: There are 7 deadly sins
Trevor: Israel celebrated 7 feasts for Jehovah in 7 days
Aaron: Balak, the Moabite king, tried to curse Israel by sacrificing 7 bullocks and 7 rams on 7 altars
Trevor: Jericho’s walls came crashing down after Israel circled it 7 times for 7 days with 7 priests carrying 7 trumpets.
Aaron: Seven uh... there were seven...(buzzer)
Hal: And Goliath goes down swinging! Trevor, impressive showing. You’re dominating the Brimstone Brawl with 20 seconds earned for the Arena. But don’t get too comfortable. Our three-way duel is next! This time we’ll have Robin choose between our final two numbers.
Robin: Let’s go with 12, for each of my earned bullets.
Hal: The first player to fall out will not compete in the final duel. We’ll go from left to right: Robin, Trevor, and Aaron. Snipers ready? For 10 more Arena seconds...
Robin: 12 tribes of Israel
Trevor: 12 apostles
Aaron: 12 oxen under the temple baptismal font
Robin: 12 sons of Ishmael
Trevor: 12 High priests on a High Council
Aaron: Shoot! Twelve... (buzzer)
Robin: The maximum size of a deacons’ quorum
Trevor: Elijah built an altar of 12 stones when challenging the priests of Bael
Robin: There are 12,000 from each of the 12 tribes who will be sealed when Christ returns
Trevor: (mumbling) 12 princesses, three times four... (shouting) the age (buzzer) when a deacon can be ordained!
Hal: Good answer... not quick enough... Sorry, Trevor. So Robin earns 10 seconds and a spot in the final duel with Trevor. Aaron, our Goliath, will carry an impressive 14 bullets and 10 seconds into the Arena. The final Brimstone Brawl number is 40. Robin will be first. For the final 10 seconds... Snipers ready?
Robin: 40 days of rain for Noah
Trevor: 40 years in the wilderness for the camp of Israel
Robin: Christ fasted for 40 days
Trevor: Moses was in the mount for 40 days before returning with the tablets
Robin: Elijah hid from Jezebel for 40 days in Horeb
Trevor: David ruled over Israel for 40 years
Robin: Solomon ruled over Israel for 40 years
Trevor: It took 40 years to build the Salt Lake temple
Robin: According to the Law of Moses, 40 stripes were allowed for a whipping
Trevor: The temple of Solomon was 40 cubits long
Robin: Jonah prophesied that Ninevah would fall in 40 days
Trevor: Age of Isaac when he married Rebekah
Robin: Age of Esau when he married outside of the covenant
Trevor: Age of Joshua when he was sent as a spy to the Promised Land
Robin: Number of days the Israelite spies spied on the Promised Land
Trevor: Number of days Goliath presented his challenge before Israel
Robin: Number of days Israel was embalmed in Egypt before his burial
Trevor: Gideon judged Israel for 40 years
Robin: Eli judged Israel for 40 years
Trevor: Joash judged Israel for 40 years
Robin: (slowing) The judge, Abdon, had 40 sons
Trevor: Israel was in Egypt for 40 decades
Robin: (big pause) Adam lived 40 centuries before Christ
Trevor: (confidently) Moses lived for 40 years in Egypt, he lived 40 years in the wilderness before delivering Israel, and he lived for 40 years while Israel wandered in the Wilderness
Robin: (whistles) Well that does me in... (buzzer)
Hal: And that finishes the Brimstone Brawl! Trevor comes from a third place finish in Hyper Typer and earns an impressive 30 seconds to carry into the Arena along with his 9 bullets. You’ll have to be quite the marksman to pull off the upset. Robin carries 12 bullets and 10 seconds. We’ll be right back after this quick message!
Trevor: Since the third place contestant will be winning today, let’s go with 3, Hal!Hal: Alright. At the whistle, Robin will start shooting. Snipers ready? Set!
Robin: 3 in the Godhead
Trevor: 3 in the first presidency
Robin: 3 kingdoms of glory
Trevor: 3 degrees of the Celestial kingdom
Robin: 3 witnesses
Trevor: Christ was in the tomb 3 days
Robin: Jonah was in the belly of a fish 3 days
Trevor: Daniel prayed 3 times a day
Robin: There were 3 days of light and darkness given to the Nephites as a sign of Christ
Trevor: There were 3 days of darkness as one of the plagues of Egypt
Robin: Alma was in a coma for 3 days during his repentence
Trevor: 3 Nephites
Robin: 3 men were crucified on Golgotha
Trevor: (pause while thinking) Peter denied Christ 3 times
Robin: (quick retort) Peter was thrice told to feed Christ’s sheep
Trevor: (even quicker) Peter had 3 visions instructing him to take the gospel to the Gentiles
Robin: (pause) There were 3 languages or dialects on the sign placed on Christ’s cross
Trevor: Christ raised 3 people from the dead
Robin: Heavenly Father bore witness of Christ openly three times.
Trevor: Faith, hope, and charity are the 3 greatest principles
Robin: (thinking, barely squeezes in confidently) Christ died at the age of thirty-three
Trevor: (killing blow confidence) There are 3x3x3 books in the New Testament
Robin: Um... uh... (buzzer--Robin puts finger gun to her chest, pulls the trigger, and makes gunshot sound) You got me with that triple bullet to the heart.
Hal: Impressive showing, Trevor! It looks like that triple three sealed the deal. Next up, we have Robin and Aaron while Trevor gets a breather. Robin, you get to choose the number.
Robin: Well, on a pain scale of 1 to 10, that last one was a solid 10. So let’s go with 10, to earn back those seconds I just lost.
Hal: Alright, 10 it is. Aaron, we’ll start with you. Snipers ready? In three, two, one...
Aaron: 10 commandments
Robin: 10 virgins
Aaron: 10 plagues of Egypt
Robin: 10 lepers were healed
Aaron: 10 labors of Hercules (gong)
Hal: Don't ask me. I'm an interpreter. I'm not supposed to know a power socket from a computer terminal. Judges?
Aaron: Mythology is a part of Greek religion!
Hal: It looks like the judges agree. Let the shootout resume! Robin…
Robin: Tithing is a tenth
Aaron: 10 talents were returned by the righteous steward in Christ’s parable
Robin: Jeremiah prayed 10 days before receiving an answer
Aaron: 10 was a dimension in cubits of many temple and tabernacle elements
Robin: Mormon was 10 years old when called to be a Nephite leader
Aaron: Noah was 10 years old when ordained
Robin: (slowing) Israel rebelled against God 10 times in the wilderness.
Aaron: There are 10 “Wo’s” in 2 Nephi 9
Robin: Dang... um... (buzzer) The word “Wo” has new meaning for me...
Hal: And Aaron continues his dominance. Can anyone take out this Goliath? Maybe we should be equipping our contestants with slings and stones rather than sniper rifles. It’s time for our final pair. Aaron and Trevor. Again, Trevor, you get to choose. Aaron goes first.
Trevor: I’m feeling good about seven, Hal.
Hal: If I were in your shoes, I’d be feeling pretty good about heaven right now. That’s why I’m just the host, though. Okay... Snipers ready? On the whistle...
Aaron: 7 was the number of perfection or completeness for the Jews
Trevor: The Sabbath was on the 7th day
Aaron: Every 7th year was a Sabbatical or Sabbath year
Trevor: Pharoah dreamed of 7 fat and 7 skinny cows representing 7 years of plenty and 7 of famine
Aaron: Jacob served Laban 7 years two times for Rachel’s hand
Trevor: Revelations 7 seals
Aaron: And 7 plagues
Trevor: And 7 angels
Aaron: And 7 letters to the 7 churches of Asia
Trevor: Don’t forget the other 7 letters of the New Testament to 7 other churches
Aaron: There were 7 men called as assistants to the 12 apostles
Trevor: And there is now a quorum of the seven-ty
Aaron: Christ said to forgive your neighbor 70 time 7 times!
Trevor: The temple had 7 candlesticks
Aaron: There are 7 deadly sins
Trevor: Israel celebrated 7 feasts for Jehovah in 7 days
Aaron: Balak, the Moabite king, tried to curse Israel by sacrificing 7 bullocks and 7 rams on 7 altars
Trevor: Jericho’s walls came crashing down after Israel circled it 7 times for 7 days with 7 priests carrying 7 trumpets.
Aaron: Seven uh... there were seven...(buzzer)
Hal: And Goliath goes down swinging! Trevor, impressive showing. You’re dominating the Brimstone Brawl with 20 seconds earned for the Arena. But don’t get too comfortable. Our three-way duel is next! This time we’ll have Robin choose between our final two numbers.
Robin: Let’s go with 12, for each of my earned bullets.
Hal: The first player to fall out will not compete in the final duel. We’ll go from left to right: Robin, Trevor, and Aaron. Snipers ready? For 10 more Arena seconds...
Robin: 12 tribes of Israel
Trevor: 12 apostles
Aaron: 12 oxen under the temple baptismal font
Robin: 12 sons of Ishmael
Trevor: 12 High priests on a High Council
Aaron: Shoot! Twelve... (buzzer)
Robin: The maximum size of a deacons’ quorum
Trevor: Elijah built an altar of 12 stones when challenging the priests of Bael
Robin: There are 12,000 from each of the 12 tribes who will be sealed when Christ returns
Trevor: (mumbling) 12 princesses, three times four... (shouting) the age (buzzer) when a deacon can be ordained!
Hal: Good answer... not quick enough... Sorry, Trevor. So Robin earns 10 seconds and a spot in the final duel with Trevor. Aaron, our Goliath, will carry an impressive 14 bullets and 10 seconds into the Arena. The final Brimstone Brawl number is 40. Robin will be first. For the final 10 seconds... Snipers ready?
Robin: 40 days of rain for Noah
Trevor: 40 years in the wilderness for the camp of Israel
Robin: Christ fasted for 40 days
Trevor: Moses was in the mount for 40 days before returning with the tablets
Robin: Elijah hid from Jezebel for 40 days in Horeb
Trevor: David ruled over Israel for 40 years
Robin: Solomon ruled over Israel for 40 years
Trevor: It took 40 years to build the Salt Lake temple
Robin: According to the Law of Moses, 40 stripes were allowed for a whipping
Trevor: The temple of Solomon was 40 cubits long
Robin: Jonah prophesied that Ninevah would fall in 40 days
Trevor: Age of Isaac when he married Rebekah
Robin: Age of Esau when he married outside of the covenant
Trevor: Age of Joshua when he was sent as a spy to the Promised Land
Robin: Number of days the Israelite spies spied on the Promised Land
Trevor: Number of days Goliath presented his challenge before Israel
Robin: Number of days Israel was embalmed in Egypt before his burial
Trevor: Gideon judged Israel for 40 years
Robin: Eli judged Israel for 40 years
Trevor: Joash judged Israel for 40 years
Robin: (slowing) The judge, Abdon, had 40 sons
Trevor: Israel was in Egypt for 40 decades
Robin: (big pause) Adam lived 40 centuries before Christ
Trevor: (confidently) Moses lived for 40 years in Egypt, he lived 40 years in the wilderness before delivering Israel, and he lived for 40 years while Israel wandered in the Wilderness
Robin: (whistles) Well that does me in... (buzzer)
Hal: And that finishes the Brimstone Brawl! Trevor comes from a third place finish in Hyper Typer and earns an impressive 30 seconds to carry into the Arena along with his 9 bullets. You’ll have to be quite the marksman to pull off the upset. Robin carries 12 bullets and 10 seconds. We’ll be right back after this quick message!
*****
The world is full of adverse influences whirring away at the morals of our young people, dens of iniquity like Disneyland, Knott’s Berry Farm, SeaWorld and Lagoon. Now, at last there’s a theme park where the Saints can again come marching in! Announcing the grand opening of the amusement park with a restoration theme, a veritable latter day land: Magic Mount Zion, located on sixty acres in blooming Tooele, Utah. Magic Mount Zion is the place to stay and play.
- You’ll be awed by educational, historical, scriptural JerusaLand and ZarahemLand.
- You’ll thrill at recreated episodes of Church History in OutLand, where you’ll be driven relentlessly from ride to ride by bloodthirsty mobs until you flee to another section of the park!
- Practice your marksmanship at the Governor Boggs Shooting Gallery.
- Ride the rapids of the Nauvoo River Raft Run.
- Or careen down the trails of the Mountain Meadows Wagon Train Caravan.
- You’ll burst with excitement in Correlation Land!
- Challenge the dips and turns of the Welfare Cannery Boiled Rhubarb Ride.
- Spin to oblivion in the plastic spheres of the Relief Society Rumor Rattling Revenge.
- Split with laughter, homesickness, and dysentery in the Missionary Fun House where hecklers yell at you in a foreign language.
- And don’t miss the Haunted Genealogical Library, there to be spooked and tormented by your dead ancestors unless, of course, you’ve done those four generations!
- You’ll be flabbergasted in TomorrowLand with our Armageddon twilight fireworks extravaganza depicting the final destruction with exacting detail!
- You’ll be overwhelmed in FantasyLand and the Wild BYU Cougar Ride, the world’s longest horizontal rollee-coaster.
- And you’ll be bored to tears in Desert WasteLand, faithfully recreating life in present day Utah.
*****
Hal: And now, you’ve all been waiting for this... the Arena! I've set my laser from stun to kill. If anyone attacks we can blink em' to death. Contestants will race through a maze while under heavy fire from hostile snipers on the level above. With each hit sustained, the competitor will be immobilized for 5 seconds. For each hit he or she scores on a hostile, 5 seconds of invincibility will be awarded. At intersections throughout the maze, you will find images and symbols that may or may not be types of today’ secret celebrity, Jesus Christ. Each type of Christ will guide you through the maze toward Jesus Christ and the finish line. Each contestant has a different number of earned bullets in their sniper laser rifle. Use these wisely. Trevor earned 30 seconds of invincibility and a head start against his rivals. The other two will start on the second whistle and have 10 seconds of invincibility. Snipers ready? Hostiles ready?
Johnny: Look at Trevor move. He is just tearing through that maze.
Hal: Ooh... he just missed that symbol on the wall. Looks like he’s heading down the long path.
Johnny: Aaron and Robin are gearing up. That whistle should blow any second now... there it is!
Hal: Do you see Aaron move? He’s got some wheels! Robin is moving more carefully. And it’s paying off. Look! She’s just sniped a type!
Johnny: And here come the Hostiles! And they’re shooting as if they’ve got something to prove.
Hal: Ooh! Aaron’s been hit.
Johnny: And Robin’s found another type. But she’s under heavy fire. She shoots... and misses.
Hal: Another shot... she scores! She’s got the type figured out. And she’s off again.
Johnny: Trevor has finally started noticing types... talk about reading the writing on the wall. You’ve got to play this both smart and fast! Trevor hits another hostile and buys himself some more immunity.
Hal: And Aaron goes down again. I’m not sure if he’s going to have a chance here.
Johnny: He might as well be a giant-sized Goliath for all the hits he’s taking! I think you’re right. It looks like this is going to come down to Robin and Trevor.
Hal: Ooh... Robin takes a hit. Don’t place your bets yet!
Johnny: Trevor finds another type... but, no! That’s the Greek letter for theta, not Omega!
Hal: Meanwhile, Aaron is firing blindly and seems to be getting tagged as quickly as he can regenerate. I think he’s out.
Johnny: Robin is coming up on the type that will take her to the finish. Will she see it? Yes!
Hal: But will she correctly snipe the type? Yes! I think she’s got this.
Johnny: But the Hostiles are concentrating their fire on her now.
Hal: Trevor is making up some ground. He’s found the last type as well. But will he be quick enough?
Johnny: Look at Robin shoot! With only 2 bullets left, she just sniped down two Hostiles!
Hal: With 10 seconds of immunity, she’s got this in the bag.
Johnny: And she knows it... she sees the finish line... and she’s across! Robin is the come-from-behind champion today!
Hal: Robin, how do you feel right now?
Robin: (breathing heavily) I... holy cow... woo-hoo!
Hal: That pretty much sums things up. Your accuracy was amazing... You cut your time significantly by sniping types... how did you do it?
Robin: I... sniped those types... by focusing on that secret celebrity... in my mind (pointing to her eyes)... and in my heart (pointing to her heart)...
Hal: Well, you’ll have lots of opportunities to continue sniping types with this brand new set of scriptures, a year membership to Lazer Assault, the premier laser tag facility in the nation with over 300 locations and hours of sniping fun for kids of all ages, and THIS:
Rod: A brand new car!
Robin: Oh my goodness! Aaah! Thank you Hal! Thank you Hal!
Hal: (theme music) And that brings us to the end of another type-sniping show. As always, remember to have your pets spayed and neutered. Until next type... this is your host, Hal Halstrom signing off.
Johnny: Look at Trevor move. He is just tearing through that maze.
Hal: Ooh... he just missed that symbol on the wall. Looks like he’s heading down the long path.
Johnny: Aaron and Robin are gearing up. That whistle should blow any second now... there it is!
Hal: Do you see Aaron move? He’s got some wheels! Robin is moving more carefully. And it’s paying off. Look! She’s just sniped a type!
Johnny: And here come the Hostiles! And they’re shooting as if they’ve got something to prove.
Hal: Ooh! Aaron’s been hit.
Johnny: And Robin’s found another type. But she’s under heavy fire. She shoots... and misses.
Hal: Another shot... she scores! She’s got the type figured out. And she’s off again.
Johnny: Trevor has finally started noticing types... talk about reading the writing on the wall. You’ve got to play this both smart and fast! Trevor hits another hostile and buys himself some more immunity.
Hal: And Aaron goes down again. I’m not sure if he’s going to have a chance here.
Johnny: He might as well be a giant-sized Goliath for all the hits he’s taking! I think you’re right. It looks like this is going to come down to Robin and Trevor.
Hal: Ooh... Robin takes a hit. Don’t place your bets yet!
Johnny: Trevor finds another type... but, no! That’s the Greek letter for theta, not Omega!
Hal: Meanwhile, Aaron is firing blindly and seems to be getting tagged as quickly as he can regenerate. I think he’s out.
Johnny: Robin is coming up on the type that will take her to the finish. Will she see it? Yes!
Hal: But will she correctly snipe the type? Yes! I think she’s got this.
Johnny: But the Hostiles are concentrating their fire on her now.
Hal: Trevor is making up some ground. He’s found the last type as well. But will he be quick enough?
Johnny: Look at Robin shoot! With only 2 bullets left, she just sniped down two Hostiles!
Hal: With 10 seconds of immunity, she’s got this in the bag.
Johnny: And she knows it... she sees the finish line... and she’s across! Robin is the come-from-behind champion today!
Hal: Robin, how do you feel right now?
Robin: (breathing heavily) I... holy cow... woo-hoo!
Hal: That pretty much sums things up. Your accuracy was amazing... You cut your time significantly by sniping types... how did you do it?
Robin: I... sniped those types... by focusing on that secret celebrity... in my mind (pointing to her eyes)... and in my heart (pointing to her heart)...
Hal: Well, you’ll have lots of opportunities to continue sniping types with this brand new set of scriptures, a year membership to Lazer Assault, the premier laser tag facility in the nation with over 300 locations and hours of sniping fun for kids of all ages, and THIS:
Rod: A brand new car!Robin: Oh my goodness! Aaah! Thank you Hal! Thank you Hal!
Hal: (theme music) And that brings us to the end of another type-sniping show. As always, remember to have your pets spayed and neutered. Until next type... this is your host, Hal Halstrom signing off.
No comments:
Post a Comment