Hero of Heroes

I was born of royal lineage in a time of political upheaval and turmoil among my people. I have many names, special names given to represent my purpose and calling in life. My parentage was part-Celestial, part-Earthly. As an infant and a young child, others recognized that there was something unique and special about me, and I began at a young age to realize that I had a special mission to fulfill, one given to me by my father.

As a young man, I felt a stirring within myself, a call from somewhere else. In response to this call, I withdrew from the world for a time and sought solitude to be instructed by my father and to prepare for this great work. From my father, I learned that I was to be a light to the people of this world, to show them the way. I, the only begotten son, had been sent to earth by my father to be a savior unto my people. With this unworldly preparation, I was ready at the age of 30 to assume my mission on earth.

My Celestial and royal heritage provided me with special powers and abilities with which I performed miraculous feats. I had power over the elements, I could move among crowds unnoticed, I even found power over death and returned life to my friends. But aside from providing physical salvation to my people, I sought to save them from themselves as well, righting wrongs, standing for and sharing eternal principles of truth and good, and instilling in others a desire to rise above themselves and above the natural evils so abundant in the world.

Contrary to popular belief, one cannot forget that I was human. I lived a normal life. I had a worldly profession, one in which I excelled. There were those of my peers who saw me as no more than an ordinary man and failed to recognize my true nature.

My personal character remained unblemished. I refused to compromise my morals and my standards. I always spoke the truth. But I did not go without temptation. My arch-nemesis, a devil, offered me power and kingdoms of this world. Just as my father had refused to yield to the wiles of similar devils, I held fast to my principles and lived what I taught. And ultimately, this refusal to yield to my nemesis and condescend to the world around me set the stage for great personal suffering in both body and spirit.

Ultimately, there was nothing of this earth that could hold power over me. In my moment of greatest anguish, the earth shook with great quakes. There were those who thought I was dead, and yet I lived and returned to my divine mission of salvation.

When my work on earth was finished for a time, I left to return to my father. Ascending into the heavens, my friends looked on in gratitude and awe. But the promise was given that I would never leave them alone. In a time of great need and turmoil, I would return. And as I left, I held the greatest hope that those principles and truths that I stood for and taught through word and deed would take root among my people, that they would be able to govern themselves and individually assume the role of savior among their fellow men.

In my absence, there are those who anxiously await my return, holding to my example as a light in their lives. And there are also those who are hurt by my absence and accuse me of fleeing them in their need and being a phony. There are those who question, ‘Why does the world need a Savior?’ But I will return, in great power and glory. And every human being, even my great nemesis and other devils, will recognize me for who I am, will acknowledge my great power, and will know that I am their great savior. 

WHO AM I?

If you answered Jesus Christ, you are wrong. Last Saturday night, I was watching a movie about this man, whose autobiography I’ve provided here. His name is Superman, or Clark Kent or Kal-El if you prefer.

If you read the above and didn’t immediately think of the Man of Steel, I could take time to draw the parallels, explain the symbolism of names and birthrights, discuss the chemical make-up of Kryptonite, express my contempt for the villainous Lex Luthor, debate the geographical location of the Fortress of Solitude, relate the heroic deeds of my favorite superhero, or even hum his theme song for you, but I’ll refer you back to the original 1978 movie and the more recent 2006 sequel I was just watching, and you can discover all of this for yourself. Trust me, it’s there. And if it’s not obvious enough to you, I’ll give you a few hints and tell you to listen for phrases like:

Lara Lor-Van (Superman’s mother, Krypton):

“He won’t be one of them… He will be odd, different… isolated, alone.”

Jor-El (Superman’s father, Krypton):

“He will not be alone. He will never be alone…”

“You will travel far, my little Kal-El, but we will never leave you. The richness of our lives will be yours. All that I have, all that I’ve learned, everything that I feel, all this and more I bequeath to you my son.

“You will be different. Sometimes, you will feel like an outcast, but you will never be alone. You will carry me inside you all the days of your life. You will make my strength your own, see my life through your eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father and the father the son.”

Jonathan Kent (consoling a troubled, misfit Clark):

“When the world finds out what you can do, it’s going to change everything—our beliefs, our notions of what it means to be human, everything… you just have to decide what kind of man you want to grow up to be, Clark; because, whoever that man is—good character or bad—he’s going to change the world… You’re the answer, son…”

(Clark): “I don’t want to be.”

(Jonathan): “And I don’t blame you, son. It would be a huge burden for anyone to bear. But you’re not just anyone, Clark. And I have to believe that you were sent here for a reason. All these changes that you’re going through, one day you’re going to think of them as a blessing. And when that day comes, you’re going to have to make a choice—a choice of whether to stand proud in front of the human race or not.”

(Clark): “Can’t I just keep pretending that I’m your son?”

(Jonathan): “You are my son. But somewhere out there, you have another father, too, who gave you another name. And he sent you here for a reason, Clark. And even if it takes you the rest of your life, you owe it to yourself to find out what that reason is.”

Jor-El (Fortress of Solitude): 

“You have great powers, only some of which you have as yet discovered.”

“You’re as much a child of Earth now as you are of Krypton. You can embody the best of both worlds… The symbol of the house of El means hope. Embodied within that hope is the fundamental belief the potential of every person to be a force for good. That’s what you can bring them.”

“It is now time for you to rejoin your new world and to serve its collective humanity. Live as one of them, Kal-El, to discover where your strength and your power are needed. Always hold in your heart the pride of your special heritage. They can be a great people, Kal-El—they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you—my only son."

“You will give the people of Earth an ideal to strive towards. They will race behind you, they will stumble, they will fall. But in time, they will join you in the sun, Kal. In time, you will help them accomplish wonders.”

Jor-El (to General Zod): "My son is twice the man you were. And he will finish what we started. I can promise you that.”

Lex Luthor: 

“Gods are selfish beings who fly around in little red capes and don't share their power with mankind!”

“Crystals, they're amazing aren't they? They inherit the traits of the minerals around them, kind of like a son inheriting the traits of his father!”

Lois Lane (accusing Superman of abandoning his friends):

“How could you leave us like that? I moved on. So did the rest of us… The world doesn't need a savior, and neither do I.”

(Superman): “I hear everything. You wrote that the world doesn't need a savior. But every day I hear people crying for one.”

Jor-El (overlooking a planet in turmoil):

“We wanted you to learn what it meant to be human first so that one day, when the time was right, you could be the bridge between two peoples... Look. You can save all of them.”

Superman: “I’ll surrender. But only if you guarantee Lois’ freedom.”

Lois Lane (to Superman in custody): 

“Why are you surrendering to Zod?”

(Superman): “I’m surrendering to mankind. There’s a difference.”

(Lois): “You let them handcuff you.”

(Superman): “It wouldn’t be much of a surrender if I resisted. And if it makes them feel more secure, then all the better for it.”

Superman (to military general):

“Let’s put our cards on the table, General. You’re scared of me because you can’t control me. You don’t. And you never will. But that doesn’t mean that I’m your enemy.”

Lois Lane (from the comic books): "Oh Lord! It's empty! His tomb is empty!"

Superman (to Lois):

"Thank you for believing in me."

(Lois): “It didn’t make much difference in the end.”

(Superman): “It did to me.”

(Lois): “Will we be seeing you around?”

(Superman): “I’m always around.”

I could go on about the position of Superman’s body before he “dies” or a stabbing through his side, but instead of trying to convince you of how Superman is like Christ, I want to share why I feel that Christ is like Superman.

In the New Testament, we read about a prison keeper who asks Paul, “What must I do to be saved?” The answer: “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved.” Elsewhere, we read, “But we believe that through the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ we shall be saved” and “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God.” These scriptures are often used to teach this notion that our salvation is a special gift called grace. It is by grace that we are saved, not by any action of ourselves. In other words, we cannot save ourselves.



But in that same New Testament, we also read: “Ye see then how that by works a man is justified, and not by faith only,” and “faith without works is dead”. We are also told “For the Son of man shall come in the glory of his Father with his angels; and then he shall reward every man according to his works,” and “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.” Here is the seemingly contradictory notion that it is our works that justify our return back to our Heavenly Father’s presence. It is not enough to say Lord, I believe. “Not every man who says to me 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” We must do something more. We must become something more. We must work out our own salvation with fear and trembling.

So how can this one book, our Bible, take such seemingly opposing sides on such a critical issue as our salvation? How can so many different sects understand the same passage of scripture so differently as to destroy all confidence in settling the question by an appeal to the Bible? Much of Christendom is torn over this very issue of faith and salvation. Some will say, ‘Do what you want, eat, drink, and be merry, just confess your faith and gratitude for your Superman and you will be saved.” Others will say, “You cannot be saved unless you knock on doors and pass out seventy times seven hundred magazines, sell five thousand cupcakes at the bake sale to earn money for the victims of the recent earthquake in Haiti, take meals to forty new mothers, clothe forty naked beggars, comfort forty widows and fatherless children, and read from the scriptures and pray for a minimum of two hours each day--if you miss one day, you can repent by spending five hours the next."

Even in the LDS church, we sometimes put up our fists over this issue. At BYU, I studied the New Testament for two semesters, and, ironically, I studied the first half including the Gospels and the life of Jesus Christ with a professor who championed grace whole-heartedly, but every single lecture during my second semester, which covered the Acts of the apostles and the epistles, was concluded with a firm testimony of faith and works. For some in the church grace is a taboo word. They claim that that is why Amazing Grace is no longer in our hymnbook and why the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sings an altered version of Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing where the words ‘Let thy grace, Lord, like a fetter bind my wand’ring heart to thee’ have been changed to ‘Let thy goodness like a fetter…’

I appeal to the words of a theologian, one who is probably the most quoted non-general-authority in our church. C.S. Lewis said,

“Christians have often disputed as to whether what leads the Christian home is good actions, or Faith in Christ. I have no right really to speak on such a difficult question, but it does seem to me like asking which blade in a pair of scissors is most necessary.” 

So like C.S. Lewis, I will not try to take an authoritative stance here, but I do wish to share my opinion, returning to an earlier scripture from Ephesians that says, “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God,” through being the key word here. True faith is accompanied by good works. Faith without works is not truly faith, it is dead. We must walk the walk and not just talk the talk.

On the other hand, we must realize that we are not our own saviors. There is no such thing as earning spiritual brownie points or spiritual merit badges that grant us access to our mansions above. It is not our own action that earns the right to our heavenly home. By our very natures, we are all unclean, regardless of how righteously we are living right now, and no unclean thing can enter the kingdom of God.

By parable, Christ spoke of two men: first a Publican, a lower class, unpopular tax collector who was a sinner, knew of his uncleanliness before God, and turned to heaven, saying, ‘Help me, a sinner. I’ve been wrong. I know I am wicked, and I need your help to change.’ The second example was that of a Pharisee, one of the governing body, one who had a great knowledge of the religious laws and rites, one who constantly tried to be good, who was active in his faith, he followed the letter of the law to a tee, attended all of his meetings, held a current temple recommend, was probably a spiritual Eagle scout, and included in his prayers, ‘Thank you, Heavenly Father, that I’m not as wicked as others. I thank thee for saving me for this chosen day, because I was so righteous in the pre-existence. I know the church is true, so I sacrifice by paying twelve percent in tithes tithing, and I keep a great food storage for my eleven and a half children and…’

Who, Christ asks, is more justified of the two? We know how He felt about Pharisees. And without looking up the answer, we can probably make a good guess.

So what does all of this have anything to do with Superman?

We all, and I mean every single one of us, are in need of saving. We all need a superhero to jump in front of the train that is speeding toward us, to snatch us from a collapsing building that we should not have entered to begin with, to keep the arch-villains in our lives at bay, to put out the fires we accidentally started, to turn back the raging elements and natural disasters we have no control over, and to fly so fast around the planet so as to turn back time and give us a second chance. Whatever your situation in life, there will come a time where you will cry out for a savior, even if you don’t feel a need for him now. And like Superman, the true Hero of Heroes is always around.

There are no such things as spiritual merit badges. You cannot save yourself. The addict, the slave to alcohol, nicotine, pornography, or food, might have the will power to say no. He might seek therapy or help from the world and find a way to keep his weaknesses at bay. But true change comes only in and through the atonement of our Lord and Savior.

As Ezra Taft Benson said, “The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of the people, and then they take themselves out of the slums... Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.”

The true power for change, for salvation comes from a much higher source, a more lofty perspective. Christ, will change your very nature and will make a true masterpiece. This is true for both the Publican and the Pharisee. Both need shaping, both need the Touch of the Master’s Hand. One might be a little more humble. One might be a little more proactive in his religion.  




In the Book of Mormon, we read that ‘It is by grace that ye are saved, after all that you can do.’ What is all that we can do? Suppose we thought about heaven as did the people of Babel and, instead of building a tower, erected a giant ladder to climb, the rungs representing our works, our deeds, and those steps necessary for our salvation as taught in the scriptures such as faith, repentance, and baptism. I might be on rung ten while you are one hundred feet higher than me. Is all that I can do different than all that you can do? I tend to believe that it is.

I believe that Jesus Christ, our elder brother, knows us individually and will make that determination Himself. Suppose that you have climbed as high as the lower stratosphere and you look up and see the last rung ten feet above you. Where is heaven? Symbolically speaking, heaven is as far away as the outer regions of uncharted space. In other words, you can climb twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, for one hundred straight years, you can set a world record in climbing speed, you might even reach the last rung of that ladder, and mathematically you are no closer to heaven than you were when you began. You have covered such a little portion of that infinite distance that you might as well have stayed on the ground.

So why climb? Because Christ asked us to do all that we can do. Our own effort is essential. And my own effort should not be compared to or judged by your own effort. The climb is an individual one, not a contest. But when all is said and done, we did not climb our own way to heaven. Sitting at the top of the ladder, we can only be saved by grace, by our Superman, by the hero who swoops down and carries us in his arms the rest of the way, red cape flapping in the wind, a blazing ‘S’ engraven on his chest. ‘S’ for Savior. Superman, Kal-El, Clark Kent, Jesus Christ, Immanuel, Jehovah, Prince of Peace, Redeemer, Messiah, Savior. Whatever name you call him, he is the Hero of Heroes, the King of Kings.

It is by grace that ye are saved. Don’t fool yourself. You cannot do it alone. If you allow him and let his light shine through you, he will carry you home. But you must take that first step, and the second, and the third… he expects your effort, if only to inspire and help others to follow along after you.

So the next time you see a picture of Superman and think of him as a type of Christ, take a minute and think of how Christ is a type of Superman, a true hero, the Hero of Heroes that will help you achieve your greatest ambitions and become the son or daughter that your Heavenly Father intended.

God Bless!

My Work and Glory

This is from an old 70's documentary called Powers of Ten (for those of you who might recognize it from High School Physics class), and I've sped up the footage, dubbed music over the narrator, and added scriptures at the end. I've named the clip My Work and Glory for obvious reasons once you've watched it through and read the scriptures.

Every time I watch this, my heart is touched because it so directly reflects my personal testimony of our Heavenly Father's plan for us. The message of this video is for everyone: Latter Day saints, Christians, and any child of God who is seeking to somehow understand his or her place in the grand scheme of things. As Latter Day Saints, we believe in a book of scripture called the Pearl of Great Price which contains the scriptures referenced in this video, including additional words of Moses as companion to those he included in the first part of the Bible, specifically the book of Genesis. He tells of this experience where he was carried away in vision to a high mountain where he spoke with God face to face and was permitted to see many of God's vast creations on this world and throughout the cosmos. And as referenced in the video, Moses' reaction left him reeling in a powerful sense of insignificance and nothingness. Those fans of Douglas Adams might say Moses was sentenced to the torture of the "Total Perspective Vortex".

Whether you are a Latter Day Saint and feel that this experience and these words of Moses are indeed true or not, the sentiment expressed by Moses in these words is one that we all share regardless of our religious beliefs. For me, my greatest moment of insignifance and wonder was on a boy scout trip at the age of 15. We were on a river rafting trip, sleeping on the ground in our bags out under the stars, far from any city lights on a cloudless, moonless night. That night, I saw more stars than I ever realized existed. The sky glittered with a bright sea of brilliant lights that stretched from one horizon to the other. The stars were so closely spaced, that I would have failed miserably in attempting to pass off any requirements for my Astronomy merit badge in identifying constellations. In fact, I marveled that any of the ancients who walked this planet could ever have identified specific constellations from that massive glob of stars smeared across the night sky. Sure, I had sat through astronomy lessons in science class and realized that the planet earth was not alone in the universe, but I had never come quite so close to that realization in such a physical and personal way. And given my testimony that all of these wonders were carefully crafted by the hands of a loving creator, like Moses or perhaps many of you, I could only cower in a grand sense of insignificance and nothingness as I looked up in awed amazement.

God's creations are so vast and incomprehensible that all I can do is stand in amazement and exclaim How Great Thou Art! And yet, despite his countless creations and our relative nothingness, I know that we are everything to Him. He sent His son so we might reach our full potential, so we might become even as He is. Of all God's creations, we--you and I--are His greatest, and He will give us every opportunity to achieve eternal life.

As a father of two beautiful children, I can't help but reflect on what I wouldn't do for my kids, what I wouldn't give to see them protected and able to realize their greatest dreams. And if I then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto my children, how much more shall our Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? How blessed we are to have a loving Heavenly Father who cares so much about us and will give us eternal life, the greatest of all gifts, as we embrace His son and obey His few, simple commandments.

God Bless!

Trust in the Gardener

Today in Sacrament Meeting, we had an absent speaker. And so, we as a congregation had the collective responsibility to fill up the duration of the meeting with Insta-Talks® by those chosen on the spot. The topic? How have you felt God’s love in your life this past week? Let’s just say that I had something of a rough week. On a scale from 1 to 10, I'd be considered an optimist if I rated this one as a 2. So with a few minutes of forewarning, I sat there and thought, “What in the world would I speak on, this week of all weeks, in reference to God’s love in my life?” 


Now, I would never volunteer myself to speak in Church. But one of my few talents is the ability to think quickly on my feet when it comes to spiritual topics and have meaningful insights to share in nearly any situation. More than once, I've been called upon, in similar circumstances to this Sacrament Meeting, to fill in for missing speakers with no forewarning, and these have been some of the stronger faith-promoting experiences I've enjoyed in my life. Today was different. For the first time in a long time, I had absolutely nothing to say on the topic at hand. And I was terrified, because I knew that I would be called up to share my non-existent Insta-Talk®. I uttered a silent prayer in my heart, pleading for help. And the Lord didn't fail me. The words and inspiration filled my mind and heart, and then I was ready for my turn. Only I wasn’t called up to speak. In fact, suspiciously, those who were selected all attended PEC this morning and were probably called on then, and the conducting counselor was possibly trying to just scare us, perhaps in fun and perhaps to truly make us prayerfully meditate on that topic. And in my case, he succeeded and the teaching that came in those few minutes to me from the Spirit was no less valuable and precious to me without the opportunity to share it from the pulpit.

So how have I felt God’s love in my life this week? One of my favorite talks was given several decades ago by an apostle in the First Presidency, President Hugh B. Brown, about a currant bush. I think I like this talk so much because I can relate to President Brown’s self-described ability to talk with inanimate objects. His special powers must be stronger than my own, because these objects never talk back to me... You'd think that would deter me from talking to unresponsive computer monitors, chairs, steering wheels, and the like. But no, many days I spend more time in long, drawn out conversations or debates with inanimate objects or unseen persons than I do with sentient beings. In short, I often talk with myself at length.

Well, President Brown describes a day in the garden in which he comes across a currant bush that had grown wild. Overgrown thorns and branches were covered in wilting leaves and blossoms would not grow. As a gardener, the best action was to prune back the bush and stake down the remaining branches so that they could grow back in a controlled and proper fashion. Standing back to admire his handiwork, President Brown’s special super power manifested itself and he imagined the dew on the branches as tears and heard the cry of the bush:

“How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. I was almost as large as the fruit tree and the shade tree! And now you've cut me down. And all in the garden will look upon me with contempt and pity. How could you do it?!? I thought you were the gardener here!”

And in his wisdom as an experienced gardener, President Brown answered the bush:

“Look little currant bush, I am the gardener here. And I know what I want you to be! If I let you go the way you want to go, you'll never amount to anything. But someday, when you're laden with fruit, you're going to think back and say, 'Thank you Mr. Gardener for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.'”

As the talk goes on, President Brown describes an experience where, after years of effort, service, and difficulty, he had risen through the ranks of the Canadian military and stood on the brink of a promotion that would have assured him and his family of wealth, comfort, and prestige for the rest of their lives. His commanding officer praised him and told him he deserved the advancement by all accounts, but that he unfortunately could not extend the promotion. President Brown was hurt and angered, even more so when he discovered the words “THIS MAN IS A MORMON” written across his file. This time it was he who raised his fist and his voice up to the heavens and cried out:

"How could you do this to me God. I've done everything that I knew how to do to uphold the standards of the Church. I was making such wonderful growth and now you cut me down. How could you do it?!?”

Then came the voice of the true gardener, in President Brown’s own voice to that currant bush so many years before:

“I'm the gardener here. I know what I want you to be. If I let you go the way you want to go, you'll never amount to anything. And someday, when you are ripened in life, you're going to shout back across time and say 'Thank you Mr. Gardener for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.'”

Well, that was President Brown’s experience. My experience came when I was preparing to leave for my mission. I received my call to serve in the Czech Prague mission. With a few months before my scheduled date to enter the MTC, I studied the culture, I began learning the language, I visited with returned missionaries from that country, and I sampled the food. I was excited and ready to hit the ground running from day one. And I did.

Like most of my academic endeavors, learning Czech proved to be challenging, but with effort, hard work, and help from my Heavenly Father things just clicked and I was doing great! Then came my pruning. Visa problems and further complications inspired the Brethren to reassign my missionary group to other missions. What this meant for me: I had to throw out several weeks of Czech and start all over learning Estonian. Estonia?!? I had never even heard of the country. The language sounded like that of the Ewoks on Star Wars. Rumors said Estonian was the third hardest language for an American to learn behind Navajo and Finnish, but those rumors probably have as much merit as those that claim Estonian to be the closest surviving remnant of the Adamic language.


My reassigned call was to the Lithuania Vilnius mission speaking Estonian. Although I was disappointed that I would not make it to Prague after all, I kept my spirits up and dove into the new language with full energy and mind, but lacking full heart. And for the first time in my life, I hit an absolute academic brick wall. The impact left me reeling, unable to make any sense of this foreign language and confused as to why I wasn’t making any progress. The more I struggled, the more unwilling I was to avoid sneaking an occasional longing for that original country and assignment I had been so excited for. Expending greater energy and effort, I struggled all the more, and spent increasing amounts of time murmuring and longing for a miraculous reversion to the original call.

Why did the Lord call me to the Czech Republic in the first place if governments weren’t going to cooperate and allow me to serve? If he could move mountains, turn water to wine, and atone for all mankind, why couldn’t he just soften one or two hearts and pave the way for the missionary work in that country? If I was really supposed to serve in Estonia, why didn’t he call me there to begin with? Is my call really inspired? Does it matter where I’m called to serve? I thought I had a testimony of my call. I don’t even know what they eat in Estonia… I sure wish I could try some authentic Czech dumplings! This language makes absolutely no sense… if only I was still learning Czech, things would be so much easier! I was doing so well with that language, and then you cut me down…

Such thoughts dominated my mind when I wasn’t busy struggling with the language, and although I didn’t let them interfere or detract from my efforts, I was really having a difficult time keeping my attitude where it should be, and I let myself get frustrated and discouraged. I never once had thoughts about throwing in the towel or going home, but I couldn’t let go of the thought, “If only…” I didn’t doubt the Lord or his plans for me, but I couldn’t let go of what was past and move forward in full faith and trust. Weeks went by and I didn’t seem to be making any progress on the language, and I finally conceded that unless my attitude changed, I would get out into the field completely unready to serve as a missionary. So I stopped praying so fervently for the Czech people and the softening of the hearts of their government leaders and started praying more for a testimony of my new call and an understanding of why the Lord had put me through this experience.

But even that didn’t seem to be the mental and spiritual breakthrough I needed. As I struggled to know why I had been put through this challenge, the challenge wasn’t getting any easier. Finally at a loss, I found myself preparing to attend the temple for our weekly session. Now, leaving on my mission, I had packed three suits but was only wearing two regularly. One of the three didn’t fit so well and gave me a bit of an itch, and I had only brought it to the MTC to appease my mother who had insisted that it was such a nice suit that had been so generously donated by a family friend back home. So I had arrived at the MTC and, while unpacking, had shoved it in the back of my closet and forgot about it completely.

Traditionally, we would wear a full suit up to the temple to look our best as missionaries. And on this particular temple day, I had not prepared well and had taken my other two suits to the dry cleaners a few days before. This left me with only a pair of suit pants. As I tried to figure out how I could get my suit back before the temple trip, I suddenly remembered the forgotten suit and quickly donned it and hurried up to the temple for our session.

After the session, as I had time in the Celestial Room to meditate and humbly supplicate the Lord for help with the language and my attitude, I found myself encompassed with the Spirit and a strong prompting to let go of the past. Right there, I promised the Lord that I would never again let the thought of “if only” come to my mind in connection with my original call. I would keep giving my all to learn the difficult new language, but I would not look back to the Czech Republic. I would fully trust him. Although I didn’t demand or expect answers or explanations for the mission call changes, I still hoped and prayed that they might come in time, but I would no longer wait on them before allowing my faith to carry me forward with an eye single to the glory of God.

The Spirit I felt as I left the Celestial Room confirmed to me that the commitments and promises I had made were pleasing to the Lord and were those that I was required to make to get the blessings and assistance I needed to succeed as His messenger in my upcoming mission.

Then we began to walk back down to the MTC and the strangest thing happened. This forgotten and not-so-comfortable suit that I had been compelled to wear because of my poor preparation began to itch. Now it had itched before when I had worn it, leading to my dislike of the suit, but at this moment, it really itched. It felt tight and confining, it burned… I still don’t know quite how to describe how it felt. To say it felt uncomfortable would be a huge understatement. In fact, it was almost comical how uncomfortable it felt on me at that moment. And that feeling kept growing to the point where I was almost ready to ditch my companion and run back to our dorm room so I could rip it off.

I maintained enough composure to make a quick stop by the dry cleaners to pick up my other suits on our way back. When I finally removed the ridiculous suit in our room, I felt a huge burden literally lifting off of my shoulders. I reached for my favorite suit that I had picked up and quickly dressed, feeling an intense sense of relief and comfort wash over me. To borrow from Alma, I might describe that wonderful feeling in his words, “There could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy!” The physical feelings I had felt were so clear and deliberate that I knew they were directed to me for a reason. And it was as I was hanging my suit jacket back on the hanger to cram once more into the back of my closet that I learned why. On the tag on the inside flap of the jacket were written the three words:

Made in Czechoslovakia. 

And in that moment, it was as if I heard the gardener’s voice:

“Look little currant bush, I am the gardener here. And I know where I want you to grow! If I let you go the way you want to go, you'll never amount to anything. But someday, after you've spread my word and done my work, you're going to think back and say, 'Thank you Mr. Gardener for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.'”

I was humbled. I had been put in my place. The Lord hadn’t reached out and slapped me, but he might as well have done so with how deliberately he had gotten my attention. I had promised Him that I would move forward. I had finally let go. And in His tender mercy, He had given me a very real reminder of my need to trust in Him. My faith was a little stronger, my commitment a little more firm. I was ready to get back in that classroom and have another go at that language.

But the Lord wasn’t done with me. On my way to our classroom, I felt the funniest prompting that I needed to take off that suit jacket I had changed into. I didn’t want to, because I was afraid that that almost comical feeling of comfort and joy I had been allowed to feel in donning it might go away. But I knew better than to ignore the prompting, so I slipped off my jacket. My companion must have been wondering who had spiked my orange juice that morning with all of my funny behavior to this point. I didn’t need to be prompted that I was supposed to look at the tag of this second suit jacket. I read the words and quietly slipped it back on, the physical feelings of comfort returning, and we walked in silence to our morning class. The tag had read: Made in Lithuania, the country serving as headquarters for the mission I had been reassigned to. Once more, I heard the gardener’s voice:

“You must learn to trust me completely. I have my reasons for everything I do, and they are for me. It is for you to simply trust me. I am the gardener.”

That is my testimony. I can’t say anything further that can be any clearer than that. And just like President Brown, all I could say was, “Thank you Mr. Gardener for loving me enough to cut me down.” I went to Estonia. Eventually, I “learned” the language to a degree of fluency, not by any effort of mine alone. I served for two years, and I had many opportunities to remind myself of the gardener’s caring cultivation in my life when difficulties arose. When I came home, I still had a faint hope that in time, I might learn why I had been redirected to Estonia. I hadn’t had some miraculous discovery along the way making everything clear. But I didn’t need it.

To this day, I still don’t know why the Lord sent me to Estonia via a detour of a few weeks of learning Czech in the MTC. I do know that the message I preached as a missionary is true, and I do know that my service was acceptable to him. Could the same have been true if I had made it to Prague after all? Absolutely. But the gardener had other plans.

And he still has other plans. This week, how have I felt the Lord’s love in my life? This week I had opportunity to cry out, “How could you cut me down? I was doing so well!” There are many weeks when I feel this way, and I often forget the lessons of the currant bush and have to be reminded again. Such is my humanity and my natural man. And so for me that reminder came today in the form of a Sacrament Meeting scare tactic. The Lord’s love comes through his tender mercies, which are there more often than we probably realize, and in his gentle reminder, “I am the gardener here. Please trust me.”

And so I will.

**************

As something of an addendum to this experience:

Two weeks after my sacrament meeting Insta-Talk® experience, I was organizing my filing cabinet with my wife. I came across a handful of sacrament meeting talks I had given in years past. One of these nearly jumped out of my hands and hit me in the face. It was a talk I gave shortly after moving to Arizona to take my first job out of school. The reason it hit me so powerfully was this: that talk from five years ago was the very message I’ve just shared, almost word-for-word, the same thoughts and experiences that came to me when I was asked, ‘How have you felt the Lord’s love in your life this week?’ Even though I was not called on to share this message from the pulpit that Sunday, I came home to write it down as an unspoken sermon of the heart that could provide me or my posterity strength at a future time. And as I was writing this down, I did not know that three feet away, filed away in a cabinet, was the very same sermon I was rewriting, one that had been spoken by me, one that I had forgotten, but one that had been brought to my remembrance by the Holy Ghost in a time of need.

What a special tender mercy to know that in his love and wisdom, my Heavenly Father had prepared me with special, powerful experiences ten years ago, that I would have the opportunity to share from the pulpit five years ago, and that I would desperately cling to in a time of trial and difficulty today. Just as in President Brown’s experience, where it was his own voice that came to him and reminded him of the lessons of the currant bush in his time of need, now it was my own voice, my own talk from five years ago, that came to me in my moment of need. And the way in which the Lord allowed me to discover that the gardener’s voice that I heard was, in fact, my own was yet another tender mercy and a testimony to me of His infinite goodness.

I'm sure Heavenly Father was so excited and pleased to prepare this special surprise for me. My mother is a wonderful inspiration to me. In response to a tender mercy of her own that she shared with me where the Lord helped her through an especially trying time, she wrote words that sum up my feelings better than my own words ever could:

"Was it all chance? Not a Chance! The Lord's timing is really remarkable. I am humbled that He set up the whole thing so beautifully as to bring me comfort at an emotionally trying time. Truly, I believe Heavenly Father was smiling in absolute delight at the surprise he'd worked out for me. Why? Because I know how happy and excited I am in anticipation of a child's joy when he's about to receive a special present I've prepared. In the New Testament we read of Jesus' teachings that if we, as imperfect parents, want to give good gifts to our children, how much more will our Father in Heaven want to give good things to His children who ask of him. Above all, our Father in Heaven loves us as a perfect parent. He knows our hearts and knows when we are hurting. At those times he encircles us in the arms of His love."

Our Father in Heaven and His Son know us better than we know ourselves. They are always watching over us. They will save us from our greatest trials, our greatest weaknesses, and our greatest sorrows. Christ truly is our Savior and our Redeemer.

God Bless!

Of Sermons and Soapboxes

So I don’t aspire to callings in my Church or opportunities to speak from the pulpit, and I’ve never taken the opportunity to publically climb up on a soapbox and speak my mind. However, during an interesting Sunday School lesson, when stopped at a red light for two minutes and no cross-traffic is coming, when I watch a movie that is profound and really makes me think, or when I see something or hear someone say something that is just ridiculous or incredibly wise, I often find myself with something to say.

And more often than not, it goes unspoken, and I take the opportunity to have long, drawn-out conversations with myself. Some of these conversations turn into full-fledged debates, and I can’t tell which side will win out. When I do give voice to my thoughts, more often than not, my wife is present and reminds me that she has heard the same thoughts countless times. So my purpose in writing here is two-fold: one, so I can leave my thoughts to posterity, friends and family, the void of the world-wide-web, or anyone out there who may care to read my thoughts, and two, I want to clear out my head so I can end the debate and enjoy some inner-silence once in awhile.

I intend to leave politics and personal gripes alone for the most part and focus instead on spiritual observations in my life so that this is something of a spiritual journal for me. Hence the sermons part… But if I do digress to complaining about that stupid commercial that keeps replaying or the horrendous logic that was included in the programming of my nearest traffic light, you can remind me that, like my wife, you’ve heard it all before and I should climb back down off my soapbox.

Please don’t judge me or belittle me for my views. I am just an ordinary son of God who is trying my best to make sense of life each day and gradually become a little more like my Savior.

God Bless!